Still No Good News

I feel like a downer again. Yesterday I was told my uncle was found dead. He was my mom's only sibling. Ray was an alcoholic, drug addict for years. I think he started at the age of 12, with binge drinking. He could stay sober for long periods of time, and then he would snap. He could be drunk/high for months. When I was young I was very close to him. I was an only child on that side of the family, and Ray didn't have any kids. As I got older, it became harder to talk to him. He was always slurring and claiming to be sober. I got to the point that most of the time I did believe him, I think there was so much brain damage. My grandma died in October 2000, and I hadn't seen Ray in person since. I actually hadn't talked to him on the phone in 2 years. Ray called my dad about a month ago. My dad tried to witness to him. Ray wanted me to call him.......I never did. The guilt sets in. What more could I have done? Why didn't I call him back? It was so hard to talk to him. He wouldn't make sense most of the time. My dad just keeps telling me to pray that Satan stay away. He's the one making me feel so guilty. My mom doesn't handle things well. I have to stay strong for her. My mom isn't a christian and that does make it harder. Please pray for all of us. My kids are fine. Half of them didn't know him, and the other half barely remember him.
Our pre-teen mission trip is next week. I'm in charge of the schedule for the whole trip. While it's exciting, and I'm looking forward to it, this has put a bit of a damper on it. I'm very concerned that things will need to be done, regarding my uncle, while I'm away. I want to be able to see the body before I leave. At this moment, I'm not able to, they haven't preformed the autopsy yet. I forgot to mention, he was only 50.
Thanks for listening!

Update

Thank you all for your prayers, I sure felt God lifting me up that evening. The graduation went well, with the exception of very rude parents throughout the audience. I've never seen anything like it before in my life. My former step family sat across the arena from where we were sitting. As I had to look at them the whole time, I never had to actually come face to face with them. That did make it a lot easier on me. I'm very glad that it is over, and I'm so thankful for God's protection on all of us (hearts and otherwise).
Thank you for caring, it means a lot!

Struggling

I am struggling with some issues tonight. I should be sound asleep by now, but I can't seem to get there. It's been a rough day, and I know that tomorrow is only going to be worse. My sister graduates tomorrow evening, from high school. While that is a good thing, I am faced with dealing with some deep hurts in my life. A few years ago, my dad's wife left. She was only 9 years older than me (another story) and we had become very close. She had become a part of my life prior to me having children. She loved and cared for my boys. She took care of them when I still worked, and they spent every Saturday evening with her and my father. She totally turned her back on God, my dad, my family, me, and my boys. She, her mother (who also now hates us-and yes that is the truth), and her sister will all be at this graduation. Because of that, my boys are not allowed to attend the ceremony. Scott and I decided it is best for them to not have to see her. I've cried most of the evening and do not want to go to the ceremony tomorrow. I know that I will go, but the panic is setting in, the hurt seems so fresh again, and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to handle it. The reality is, I'm not. Only through God can I accomplish this. So, if you've read this and think about it, could you please pray for us. I know that it is the only way I can manage.

Finally!!

This is one stop that Martha has made since she was last in blogland. I finally was able to meet my new little (ok, not so little) cousin, Silas. I was thrilled to see Martha and the family. It has been so long, that I cannot remember the last time we were together. I didn't see her the whole time she was pregnant, so I know it's been a very long time. As you can see, Silas doesn't like the camera constantly being in his face. He did look for one photo with me. He didn't smile, but I now know for sure that he does smile often. (Just not for pictures) I was blown away by how much he looks like Troy! He is definately his father's child in the looks department.

Jared was so excited to see him in person. He loves babies and has been anxiously awaiting his first meeting with Silas.

Overdue, but Worth the Wait!

Jared turned 5 in November, and Andrew turned 10 in December. This is the years of the "friend" birthday parties. The time of year is so hectic that it is difficult to have a party. Andrew originally wanted a sleep over with multiple boys. Our house is rather small, so we didn't think this would be a very wise idea. It's too cold to do things outside. Our opportunity arose when Jared was invited to his first "friend" party without us. Our friends from church had rented a place called "Pump-It-Up". I've been there with church groups before and knew how much fun it was. I did some checking and figured if I had the party on a weekday, it was cheaper. If I split the party between 2 kids, both of the birthday kids are free. My kids had an inservice day today and are out of school. It was perfect. Valentine's Day for the Clark's was spent playing on huge inflatables. Andrew could invite so many more boys to come and play than he could ever have in this house. We all had a blast! We had 26 kids in all. Only 2 were girls! Thankfully, they have 2 older brothers, so they fit right in. We did have one toddler join us at the end. My favorite picture of Joshua. Scott was pushing him on a scooter, and I was attempting to take a photo. I jumped out of the way at the same time he was turning to avoid me. The result was me taking the photo, as I was falling on him. Yes, he survived the fall with minimal damage.

Not only do the kids have a great time, so do the adults. My dad so kindly took Aaron on this obstacle course. With Aaron's muscle disease, it makes it impossible for him to climb the wall inside the course. My dad took him through to lift him over the wall. I never would have been able to lift him that high. (Aaron weighs 74# and it is dead weight)

This is a VERY unattractive photo of me, but I thought I'd show you how much fun I had. I raced on one of the obstacle courses with an 18 year old girl. (She's the older sister of one of Andrew's friends) She stopped and waited for me to catch up so we could go down the slide together!

I am not brave and attempt to make a cake myself. I can say I wasn't so pleased with some of the flaws in the cake, but it tasted good. (Martha, the icing was buttercream)

The boys got to sit on a throne to open presents. The were the "kings" for the day.

It was late, but well worth it party. We all had so much fun. What a great way to celebrate Valentine's Day with all the ones I so dearly love!

Where's My Pancreas?

Yes, this is the question I heard last night as Aaron was going to bed. The next sentence is, "They look like brothers". Yes, this is a stuffed pancreas. When I was working, a new drug came out (I think it was a diabetic drug) and they created these stuffed toys to promote their drug. I not only have these two, I have a liver and a kidney. It has been funny over the years to watch my children cuddle with these body organs. Aaron has just recently discovered the pancreas. It is his new favorite toy to sleep with. Since we have two and as he puts it, they look like brothers, it is so exciting for him. While he enjoys them, Scott and I will enjoy chuckling over his cute questions.

Don't Run in the House!

How many times have I yelled that? Does anyone ever listen? No, they don't! This is the reason I yell that all the time. Working in a doctor's office for 11 years taught me that walls vs. heads = walls win. On Saturday, the 29th, we were getting ready to leave the house. The boys had all received gift cards and cash for Christmas and were eager to spend. As I was finishing getting Aaron ready, Scott and Jared were playing in the kitchen. Jared turned to run away from his dad and smacked his head into the wall. Blood began to gush from his scalp (head wounds bleed the worst) and all he wanted to do was lay down. He looked as though he wanted to sleep. We decided to take him to Children's Urgent Care. They wrapped his head in this to apply a numbing solution to the wound. As we waited, Scott shared his MP3 player with Jared to listen to music.

The final result ended with only 2 staples. We were thankful, the original thought was at least 4.

Jared's doing just fine now. Has he learned to walk in the house yet? No, he hasn't. I can still be heard yelling "Don't run in the house!" daily.